Al Horn: Words and Images

I recently hit a milestone. I turned fifty-five last week. The day arrived with a lot of fanfare. Not as much for me as for the rest of our fine nation. I did my part. I got up at five in the morning and got in line to cast my vote.

This day compared to a previous milestone. On my 21st birthday I was eligible to buy my first legal drink. But, like last Tuesday, I had to wait until after the polls closed. As I did thirty-four years ago, I voted early and went to bed that evening without so much as a sip of alcohol. There was no cake or candles those many years ago. I requested and recieved none this year. There was one big difference. At the end of my workday this year I did not go to bed alone.

If I did any celebrating, it was on the following Saturday.

My nephew, Cory, came home from California last week with his wife of two years, Kolleen.

They renewed their wedding vows in a very nice church wedding.

It was a modern wedding with all of the traditional trimmings.

There were bridesmaids who provided moral and emotional support.

There were groomsmen marching to the proper tune.

Parents and grandparents all shedding tears of joy.

Afterwards came the reception.

I was pleased to see how gracious they were about the wedding present I gave them.

 I’m sorry you couldn’t see Cory in this picture. He was on the other side changing the front tire. What a sport!

Inside, the place was really hopping.

While some where in high gear…

others were just biding there time.

The food was excellent…

I finally got my birthday drink…

and the seating arrangements placed a very

 lovely young lady at our table.

She wasn’t much for conversation but her facial expressions spoke volumes.

 I’m including a few more pictures for your viewing pleasure.

 Wasn’t this better than me ranting about the elections?

I’ll be back next week with pictures from our 15th anniversary.

The last four months have flown by! Between working a lot of overtime, summer chores, and family obligations, I have barely had time to check e-mails and pay my bills.

The fact that this site was getting very few hits didn’t help. Apparently that has changed. Distant family members have been asking when the next post would be and Lynnette’s Little Bits site has ben generating more traffic. As such, I will be posting on a more regular basis.

They say timing is everything.  Next week we will be going to Branson for our 15th anniversary.(Some of you are probably amazed she stuck around this long.)  I’m sure the trip will generate stories and pictures.

We have beacoup birthdays and holidays as well as a wedding to comment about over the next few months. Don’t even get me started on the elections with all the mud that is being slung around. Last night two out of every three commercials on TV were political ads. (Oops, I’ve already gotten started.)

As always, I will be looking for the lighter side of  these situations to include in my post.

I hope you will join me as I gently drift like a falling leaf carried by autumns winds into winter.

It has been two weeks already. For me, a lot has happened.

I’ve gotten new wheels for my lawn mower. That was important because the grass was getting high enough in the back the yard to hide adult rabbits with little trouble. The mower still needs a little tweaking after sitting out in the elements for over a year and a half. Nothing a little hard work won’t fix. (My wife always smiles real big when I say that.)

I got both desktop computers set up last week. Of course, one of them will need a new keyboard and mouse. Nothing a little bit of money won’t fix. (She didn’t smile at that.)

Oh, and silly me, I almost forgot… I got a new son-in-law.

Heather and Tyler got married on the 6th of June. They flew off to Aruba the next day. I snagged a couple of pictures before and after the wedding. I would have taken some during the wedding but Heather scowled when I offered to walk her down the aisle with a camera hanging around my neck. Go figure!

The wedding was held at the Chinese Garden portion of the Missouri Botanical Gardens. Some people were pleased to see a group of tuxedos and bridal dresses passing through. Others were a little less thrilled. Some, such as the two ladies to the right,  chose to ignore us completely.

There were a few in the wedding party that weren’t sure of how to take all the attention. Can’t say that I blame them.

You know, it’s absolutely amazing what difference a few hours can make.

The little lady changed her tune at the rehearsal dinner when she found out they had an open bar. 

It’s possible she thought they meant  a pizza bar or an ice cream bar.

 That’s okay, she has plenty of time to learn the difference. Let her enjoy her youth.

I was on my best behavior at the dinner. I had to be. They got the enforcer behind me!

After the wedding we all gathered at Royal Orleans. And as if my daughters feet hadn’t been abused enough already, she had to endure one more treachorous ritual. The dreaded Father-Daughter Dance. Fortunately she had tipped the DJ well to keep it under two minutes.

I will have a few more pictures for my next blog.

It’s only fair to give the groom equal time!

It’s been almost two months since I started my new (old) job. Things are looking a little brighter. Since the last post we have moved into a house in Troy, MO. We’re just a few miles down the road from grandkids and one son and one daughter. I used last weekend to get the last of our stuff out of storage. Instead of everything being crammed into a couple of 10×10 units our stuff is scattered all through a three bedroom home, the basement, and the garage. Last Friday was the first day I could park in the garage and not worry about one of the doors hitting something as they were being opened. Boxes don’t dodge doors near as well as a smart-mouthed eight-year old.

In the upside-downside department, the apartment we were in didn’t require any outside maintenance. I was shamed into cutting the grass when the same eight-year old laid down in the back yard and we couldn’t tell where he was at. Of course, I gave him a full ten minute head start before I went looking for him. Who would ever have thought he could lay still that long!

We had lots of help getting things settled in. The twelve-year old granddaughter did her very best to stay out of our way. That included not showing up until everything was opened up to put away. Apparently not everything has been unpacked. My wife claims we have silverware hiding in a box downstairs. I have until this Friday to find them or she will go out and buy enough to feed a small army. I offered to buy a custom set of twenty-four collectable sporks. She was not amused.

The reason for the deadline is that our daughter is getting married next Sunday and she wants to have real cutlery for the guest staying at our house. I told her my mom and sister have nothing against plastic, especially the premium sets from the Supercenter. Besides, real stuff would only encourage them to visit more often. She had to think about it for a moment.

Our son will be coming in from Oklahoma this weekend for the wedding. I’m waiting to hear about his latest adventure from riding on the bus that has a thin, emancipated looking dog on the sides. If it’s not a detour or an unexpected stop, there will be someone more interesting than him on board.

With any luck, I will be able to post sometime before the wedding. If not, I will have a ton of pictures next time.

…Just add dark chocolate. That’s what the people at Emerald’s (PPA) would tell you. In a world where everybody says you are entitled to feel good, just say no.

Feeling good is highly overated. Or so I’ve been told. My wife and I spent the last two days packing everything up from our old apartment, loading it all in the van and a 16′ Budget (PPA) moving truck and hauling it 340 miles just to throw it all into storage. Nothing on my body feels good right now. I ache in places I didn’t know I could ache. If Tylenol (PPA)was looking for their next poster model I would be in the top running. Actually, make that limping into the finals.

Perhaps a good shower would help. My wife seems to think it would be good for everybody if I took a shower.  She even offered to let me use her Oil of Olay (PPA) body wash. (Maybe offered wasn’t exactly the word she used) She’s always looking out for my best interest. The thought of hot water beating down on my body fills me with mixed emotions. Soap and water can cleanse the outside but I fear the toxins built up in my muscles will not go so quickly or neatly down the drain.

I could just lay back (after my shower, of course) and watch a good movie or one of those reality shows with lots of PPA’s. (product placement ads) (I’m actually eating better and my clothes appear to be cleaner and brighter than ever) I will just have to avoid the comedies – it hurts too much to laugh right now. Some V-8 (PPA) might help revive my struggling body. I wonder if they make it flavored with Dove (PPA) chocolate.

On the other hand, lots of chocolate would make me feel better. In combination with some cheese and crackers I am sure to wake up a new man. A glass of medicinal wine may help me slip quietly into a long night of blissful sleep.  If I wake up tomorrow with a few more aches and pains, I’m sure my good friends at Motrin(PPA) will be more than happy to help.

I started this blog with the intent of publishing three times a week. The idea was to provide whimsical commentary on some of what was going on in our world lately.  Occasionally I will introduce some fictitious characters to aid the cause.

If you are reading this… you may be the first. This is the twelth post and according to our stats counter nobody has dropped in. Leave a comment and maybe I will mention your name. Unless, of course, you ask to remain anonymous.

That’s okay. I am used to talking to myself. I would talk to myself more often but my laptop crashed almost two weeks ago and I have had to schedule time on Lynnette’s computer. (Maybe God is telling me to do something better with my time.) (Like listening to Elton John discuss safe sex on Idol.)

I enjoy using analogies. How to compare my situation? Let me count the ways.

Giving grace at an empty table.

Reciting poetry in an empty coffehouse.

Making a halfcourt shot in an empty gymnasium.

Scoring from center ice in an empty arena.

Singing the national anthem, in perfect key, in an empty ballpark.

Kicking a 70-yard field goal in an empty stadium.

It’s a good thing I handle adversity well. Not that anybody would notice. Even though I may be recording a log that may never be read, I will continue to post. There is plenty of room in cyberspace.

FORTUNATELY… NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM!!!!!!!

Sorry about that.

They say all good things come to an end. It’s true. 36 years ago I was enjoying the best year of my young life. For the most part, it ended with graduation. A new chapter began in my life. The moon was the limit.

Growing up in the sixties and being a fan of science fiction I kept track of the race to the moon. I did it in small ways. Newspaper accounts raved of the latest steps. Lil Abner and Pogo were my best sources. Not that there was anything comical happening. Well, there were those videos of future astronauts twirling around inside those large planes used to simulate a weightless environment. I didn’t know if I wanted to be a pilot or a gymnast.

The closest thing I could do to feel like a spaceman was to drink Tang. I drank lots of powdered juice. Orange became my new favorite color. I ate orange sherbet and orange dream bars. I wore orange shirts until my mom forgot to do laundry and I was forced to wear a purple shirt to school one day. A girl I had a crush on said she liked the shirt. It was time to move on.

The moon race brought us lots of cool technology. A spinoff was coating for metals. Thanks to space technology cheese doesn’t glob up so badly on my pizza cutter. If only they could have improved the cheese. Cordless tools are so much a part of our everyday lives. I own almost every power tool Ryobi makes. I can build a cabinet, a deck, or a swing set. Just give me a decent power strip and watch me fly.

Every good race produces life benefiting products. I was poised to enjoy all the good things coming our way from the next moon race until I heard we would bypass the moon and seek out asteroids and land on Mars over the next thirty years. Imagine my disappointment.

My investments in moon rocks will bottom out. There is no future in living in the past. I won’t bother completing my six-step course on learning the moon walk. (There were two installments left.) I will allow the lease on my orange moon suit expire in June. Or trade it in for a purple one.

I’m so bummed out I may never watch another lunar eclipse.

Last week I got off of work and stopped at a popular watering hole. I think it was one of those places where smoking had been banned by the city. Nobody was smoking and I didn’t see any ashtrays. Being a non-smoker, I was okay with that. From time to time I will partake in one of the beverages from the local brewery. Technically, my church frowns upon such actions. Because I don’t like to be frowned upon, I make it a point not to drink in front of the clergy. Out of sight, out of mind?

The only other person in the joint moved from one end of the bar to a stool two seats from mine.  He raised his bottle and asked, “You don’t mind drinking with a terrorist, do you?”

He looked like the average boomer who might live next door. “One man’s terrorist is another man’s patriot,” I replied. “Is there any particular cause you support?”

“Well, I just sort of fell into it,” he said. “By the way my name is Tom. I was watching this old movie. This big, new ship hits an iceberg and everybody has to get off. Only there are not enough lifeboats. Someone makes this crazy announcement. ‘Women and children first’. That was just wrong!”

“You think the logic was flawed?”

“Everybody thinks that codgers like us don’t deserve to live,” he shot back. “We can reproduce just as well as they can.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was an exception. It’s a choice, I wasn’t born this way. “Have you taken any actions yet?”

He leaned in my direction and said in a conspiratorial tone, “Check out the travel agency next door. You won’t see any brochures for cruise lines.”

“I applaud you for striking a blow without taking any lives,” I said. “Is this a life-long mission or do you plan on branching out?”

“Actually, I have been following this guy’s blog. He’s extremely smart. (That left me out) There is so much injustice in this world. And you’re right; you don’t have to blow people up to bring about changes. You just have to be smart about it.”

I dropped a dollar on the bar before getting up from my seat. As I was walking out I couldn’t shake the feeling that what he had just said made a lot of sense.

This is Good Friday in the Mewish week. It means I sheepishly watched TV the last two nights and didn’t take the time to write. Better luck next week!

There are those who say: “what goes up, must come down.” Many of those people say: “what comes around goes around.” Up, down, all around; the cycle of life. Some cycles lead to others. The cycle of life can lead us down paths that split continuously until we have come full circle. Sometimes it’s just a matter of looking within to see what is happening around us.

You could learn how your mind and body works by utilizing different biofeedback methods. Take charge of your physical and mental health by strapping some electrodes to your head, chest, and lower extremities then close your eyes. Enjoy Nirvana through modern electronics. Once you overcome the stress of how silly you look, you may find the strength to rise above such everyday problems as constipation, incontinence, and irritable bowel syndrome. If it works for you let me know; I’m always looking for good feedback.

If biofeedback doesn’t work, it may have something to do with your biorhythms. Biorhythms involve differing cycles based on your physical, emotional and intellectual states. In my case, a high in any two out of the three would put me in a great state of mind. Of course, those same people argue it’s a pseudoscience based on pseudomathmatics. Personally I prefer to use more realistic guides such as tarot cards and astrology. If you can’t trust the stars, who can you trust? If nothing else trust your own internal rhythms. Need some help? Turn on your radio and see what moves you. Music could sooth your savage soul.

Enter: Eurhythmics. (Not the band from the seventies and eighties.) I’m talking about an approach to musical education devised by Frenchman Émile Jaques-Dalcroze. (Killer mustache, check out Wikipedia) Despite spending a good portion of his life being called a pedagogue, he developed concepts to aid in learning music through movements. Imagine, pleasurable moves utilizing a method of rhythms. No pills involved.

Then again, maybe pills are the answer. Nowadays slick salespeople will tell you the right pill can fix everything from health to wealth. Would you take the same blue pill, everyday, for the rest of your life if it would clear up your skin, strengthen your bones and eliminate your irritable bowel syndrome? A red pill if it would increase your earning potential? Given the chance, what do you think those people would do?